Hitting the lamp
by bloom's violet
Summary: Happens in feudal era. One disastrous algebra test, sulking Kagome, excited Shippou and a catapult results in Inuyasha's vocal chords tested to their limits and his manhood threatened! Comedy oneshot!


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Inuyasha.

**A/N**: Okay, one more one shot! A very funny one, hope you guys laugh. It happens during their journey to find the Shikon shards. Nothing more, just read on and enjoy!

Dedicated to Funnieskitten, Cloudsaaeris909, inugirl162, crystalphoenix19, dancingwithdestiny, tokyoxpress, krinku-chan, hinata-chan….all of u guys!

Thanks for your support!

* * *

**Hitting the lamp**

* * *

Shippou was sitting merrily atop the rock and sucking on the 'loipap' Kagome had brought for him from the future. She was back after some 'zebra' test, was in a foul mood because; as usual it hadn't gone well. She was sulking and Inuyasha avoided her like plague ever since he got a kicking and screaming Kagome back to feudal era. It didn't bother him much that Inuyasha and Kagome weren't on good terms. It suited him actually. It meant Kagome would be his totally. 

Shippou sighed. The girls were almost finished taking bath. His lollipop was finished and he yelled to Kagome.

"Kagome! I need another one!"

"Oh please wait, Shippou! Am almost there." She replied, cheerfully.

Shippou nodded but eyed the yellow bag with bright eyes. What the heck!

* * *

Inuyasha and Miroku were back at the village head's house. Shippou jumped up to see that Inuyasha and Miroku were having some heated discussion. He shrugged and made it to the bag. 

"I won't do it, you perverted letch!" Inuyasha barked and with Miroku's one eye opening, he calmed down, his voice low.

"I won't be the scape-goat!" He whispered harshly and Miroku shook his head.

"Then how are we going to exorcise this haunted place?" Miroku asked, in a high pitched voice so that the villagers outside knew what was going on. Or what they wanted to be going on inside.

"There is just no shit of a ghost or a fucking demon here!" Inuyasha scoffed back and Miroku's right eye twitched at the foul words. Inuyasha surely needed a nice wash of his mouth.

Trust the hanyou to be unreasonable at a crucial moment like this which would decide a decent place to stay aka this furnished house, not the mosquito filled, cold forest clearing and free food, not roasted fish again!

"It is very simple. You just have to lie down!" Miroku reasoned and Inuyasha keh-ed and Miroku took out some weird powder.

"Please, co-operate!" He whispered and threw something at the unsuspecting hanyou.

* * *

"Hey! What's this?" Shippou jumped and Kagome smiled. 

"That's a catapult. Haven't you seen one?" Sango asked and Shippou's eyes went big. Of course, he knew what that was, but this one was different with attractive colors.

"Come on, it's just that it's colored to attract the attention of children." Kagome said, tying the plastic string together wondering how Souta's had gotten into the bag.

"Oh! I wanna play with it!" Shippou jumped and Kagome giggled. She wanted to play too!

"Okay, come with me." Kagome piped and Sango followed them wondering how long the dog boy would take to apologize before she sat him right into the core of the earth!

Kagome stopped in front of a bush and looked around for a place to hit. She picked up a stone and aimed.

"Where do you want me to hit?" Kagome asked aiming at a tree.

"Hey! That's too close." Shippou whined and Kagome looked around again.

"You know, I can hit good." Sango said, piqued herself.

"Wait for your turn!" Kagome chirped and Souta pointed to a lamp inside a house.

Sango's eyes widened! Inside a house? Was Kagome nuts?

"Okay! Here goes!" Kagome announced with a bright voice and aimed at the lamp.

* * *

Just then Inuyasha came down from the ceiling where he was dodging the lunatic monk's attacks, directly in front of the lamp. The lamp as in Kagome's target. 

And it hit straight in a very sensitive space between his legs.

Inuyasha's mirth and fury filled face, which was for Miroku, suddenly changed to one filled with intense agony. He sunk his fangs into his lips to control the pain, but it only added more to it.

Finally he screamed.

"Aaaaaaaaaah!"

A loud voiced scream that turned to a howl which could be heard around twenty mile radius.

* * *

Jaken stumbled on his way back to Sesshoumaru and Rin, surprised because of that ridiculous howl. He turned to Sesshoumaru whose ice cold face, as usual showed nothing. Except for a slight, single twitch of his lips. 

"Master?" Jaken asked and Sesshoumaru turned away from him, only to start walking away.

"Sesshoumaru-sama! Wait for us!" Rin sang as she pulled Ah-Un behind her to follow Sesshoumaru.

* * *

Kagura's sensitive ears picked up the scream and tensed. 

Naraku too, stopped whatever twsited thing he was doing to to poor demons and looked at her.

"Has someone killed Inuyasha before me?" Naraku asked and Kagura rolled her eyes. She had to go and play eye-spy. Again!

Damn Inuyasha! Wait...should be Naraku. Damn Naraku!

* * *

The lamp broke due to our beloved hanyou's scream and Shippou jumped. 

"Yippee! The lamp broke!" He exclaimed and Kagome pulled him down hiding behind the bushes.

"That was a fantastic hit Kagome! Did you see the pink trail blazer the stone had?" Sango said in an awed tone and Kagome blinked. It had a trail blazer? Pink one? Damn her miko energy that was ever growing!

Inuyasha was still hopping mad and was about to turn to face them and Sango was looking at him with fascination!

"And what a hit! The lamp still broke! Not to mention the glasses too!" Sango said, her eyes fixed ahead.

"Ahh! Sango!" Kagome hissed through clenched teeth and tackled her, pushing her down, her weight on top of her, her hands clamping her mouth shut.

Sango's eyes widened at the close contact and she colored brightly. Kagome peered through the bushes to see what was happening and Miroku came out looking well, triumphant.

"The demon is gone!" He announced and the villagers rejoiced.

"Why is Sango looking like a tomato?" Shippou whispered into Kagome's ears and she looked down to find one hand at her mouth and the other…on Sango's well-endowed chest.

This time it was Kagome's turn to color as she was at least ten feet away from Sango in a heart-beat. Sango closed her eyes, trying to control the flush.

The damned hanyou, their pseudo-leader, annoying dog boy had to apologize to Kagome! And not before Kagome does that first. They were hazardous when they were at odds with each other.

"How did she do that?" Shippou's eyes were like saucers as he looked at Kagome and looked at Sango in confusion.

"It happens. Sometimes." Sango said throwing a death glare at Kagome who turned even a few shades brighter.

"Now she's like a tomato!" Shippou said, in a dazed voice and Sango patted his head.

* * *

Kagome twisted her skirt with her fingers and stopped. She looked back at Sango who had that stern school teacher face when the kid had gone wrong and had to confess it. Sango raised a single eyebrows and Kagome gasped, her feet carrying her fast to where Inuyasha was resting. 

"Inuyasha? Come down. Does it hurt bad?" Kagome said and Inuyasha looked down from the tree.

"No, it doesn't, bitch! It was just a stone!" He retorted and Kagome winced.

"About that…will you come down please?" Kagome asked and Inuyasha frowned. He looked at her properly and his eyes caught sight of the catapult in her hand.

His jaw hung open as he felt the stone that hit him, which he'd pocketed safely. It did have a spell on it and he'd suspected it was Naraku's cheap trick. Of course, it was not him. And not Kouga too, although he could stoop low. So he'd been confused and seeing 'that' in Kagome's hands, everything fell into place.

"Stop barking, baka! I said I am sorry!" Kagome yelled at Inuyasha who was breathing fire down her neck.

"Sorry? Sorry wench? You know what it could have done? The bloody stone was cursed!" He said and Kagome bristled.

"Oh yeah! Then its probably your fault. If you hadn't come back three days early, started nagging like a fish wife to go back, my algebra test would have survived and my mood wouldn't have been sour and the stone wouldn't have been cursed!" Kagome screamed right back and Inuyasha looked stunned for a moment.

"Oh! So now it is me? I am at fault?" Inuyasha jeered and she stood in front of him, pulling him down by his clothe as if it were a collar.

"Yes. It is not as if your precious equipment has been damaged has it?" Kagome yelled and saw his eyes widen at that question. Kagome bit her lip at her faux pas. She really shouldn't have broached that subject. She saw his beautiful face; it was beautiful, turn into something bordering on ugly with an evil smirk and glinting suggestive eyes.

"We have to test it, don't we? We have to be sure!" Inuyasha said in a low voice and Kagome's head bent down to hide her blush.

* * *

"What is taking them so long?" Miroku asked and Sango shrugged, stirring the ramen. 

"You know Miroku, I saw Sango's face redder than when you touch her ass today!" Shippou said and Sango dropped the spoon.

"Is that so? I wonder why?" Miroku said, his face curious, his smile dangerous, and a challenge evident in the set of his head.

He was inching closer now and Sango dreaded the consequences.

But she was saved, for there was a resounding 'OSUWARI' by Kagome that was even louder than his previous scream and Inuyasha's curses, the loudest!

The rear view mirror in Kagome's bicycle burst this time.

"But definitely not redder than Miroku's when he was seeing Inuyasha's…."Shippou was stopped by a thump on his head. No, he didn't scream the loudest-est, because he was out cold!

* * *

Sesshoumaru decided that he had to relocate even farther or else Rin would pick up choice filthy words! 

And as for Kagura, she was nursing a bruised cheek because she has assured Naraku that this scream too, was not the sign of Inuyasha's demise. Only she had screamed in frustration and the evil hanyou had gotten pissed!

"He is not dead, you rotten excuse of a monster!" That's what she'd said.

Damn Inuyasha this time!

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, whatever it is, please let me know. It's just an attempt to write comedy instead of the fiction I am writing which is pretty opposite and something that might happen in the manga! 

Oh wait...this has more violence! Heehee!

REVIEWS PLEASE!


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